CUT TO THE CHASE

GREY GARDENS (1975)

2010-08-09T13:22:00.002-04:00

An audio visual definition of "crazy cat ladies."

MIAMI BLUES (1990)

2010-03-20T09:43:00.001-04:00

A lovely, violent little story about a cop trying to get his teeth back.

CAPITALISM: A LOVE STORY (2009)

2010-03-12T09:35:00.000-05:00

The American dream has turned into a nightmare.

AGAINST ALL ODDS (1984)

2010-03-06T10:52:00.002-05:00

Do yourself a favor and watch Out of the Past (1947) instead.

WAITING FOR GUFFMAN (1996)

2010-02-16T09:43:00.001-05:00

You people are just.....bastard people, if you don't like this movie.

BIG FAN (2009)

2010-02-06T11:03:00.002-05:00

"Mildly entertaining view of Travis Bickle as a Giant's fan."
-J. Van Dreason

THE LONG RIDERS (1984)

2010-02-05T08:14:00.001-05:00

Actor brothers playing outlaw brothers. Brilliant!

GROUNDHOG DAY (1993)

2010-01-31T21:02:00.002-05:00

I could watch this movie over, and over, and over again.

KING OF KONG (2006)

2010-01-30T09:10:00.005-05:00

Billy Mitchell is one of the best villians in cinema history.

THE 39 STEPS (1935)

2010-01-28T08:05:00.001-05:00

Two Hitchcock movies in one: a zany comedy, and a suspensful thriller.

ELEGY (2008)

2010-01-26T09:58:00.002-05:00

Gandhi, as a dirty old man, gets to fondle Penelope Cruz's beautiful naked breasts.

EXTRACT (2009)

2010-01-24T09:09:00.002-05:00

Like a Frederick Wiseman movie, with a few more laughs.

THE ROOM (2003)

2010-01-24T09:04:00.001-05:00

"With cut-rate production, acting a cut-below, and too much framed cutlery, The Room is a schlock masterpiece."
-Jersey Rob

UP (2009)

2010-01-23T10:50:00.001-05:00

Talking dogs, a little mailman, and Toucan Sam on steroids help Ed Asner conquer a lifetime of regret.

PRECIOUS, BASED ON THE NOVEL "PUSH" BY SAPHIRE (2009)

2010-01-19T08:44:00.002-05:00

"Precious is based on the novel "Push" by Saphire."
-J. Van Dreason

OBSESSED (2009)

2010-01-19T08:42:00.001-05:00

"Modern suspense in the form of a winking emoticon."
-J. Van Dreason

JULIA (2009)

2010-01-19T08:40:00.000-05:00

"Alfred Hitchcock and John Cassavetes have an ugly cinematic baby but Tilda Swinton forces you to nurse it."
-J. Van Dreason

NINE (2009)

2010-01-19T08:38:00.001-05:00

"Nine: subtract 8 1/2 and there's my score out of 10."
-J. Van Dreason

ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE, A.I. (2001)

2010-01-18T22:56:00.002-05:00

A heavy handed retelling of Pinocchio that completely falls apart at the end.

THE NEW WORLD (2005)

2010-01-18T22:43:00.002-05:00

In a pure world, or in a polluted world, the only freedom is love, and the only refuge is in another's heart.

KICKING AND SCREAMING (2005)

2010-01-07T08:39:00.002-05:00

I would have to be dragged to the theater kicking and scre....no, kicking and screaming is what I felt like....ah, you know where I'm going with this.

AVATAR (2009)

2009-12-24T10:12:00.000-05:00

"Avatar blue."
-J.J. Bowman

STAR WARS: THE PHANTOM MENACE (1999)

2009-12-20T11:30:00.003-05:00

"Meesa Lucas maka da big pile of dookie sa!"
- Jar Jar Stinks

RAN (1985)

2009-12-20T11:17:00.005-05:00

A samurai movie with color coded epic battle scenes, wrapped in a Shakesperian tragedy, and surrounded by a beautiful period piece.

JULIE & JULIA (2009)

2009-12-12T11:24:00.004-05:00

A schizophrenic movie about a blogger in Queens, and Julia Child in France, with one boring personality and one interesting one; you guess which is which.

2012 (2009)

2009-11-28T10:40:00.004-05:00

"A touching story of the end of the world that helps an eight year old girl get over wetting the bed."
-J. Van Dreason

TAXI DRIVER (1976)

2009-11-23T11:39:00.002-05:00

This has always been one of my favorite movies, and when I finally saw it in a theater on the big screen it blew my mind.

A SERIOUS MAN (2009)

2009-11-22T15:28:00.003-05:00

The most personal of all the Coen Brothers' movies, and also one of their best.

DEATH AT A FUNERAL (2007)

2009-11-22T15:26:00.000-05:00

Classic Frank Oz comedy.

THE MIST (2007)

2009-11-22T15:19:00.002-05:00

How'd they talk Marcia Gay Harden into being in this piece of crap movie?

THE INVENTION OF LYING (2009)

2009-11-08T11:34:00.001-05:00

I'd be lying if I said this movie was very inventive.

MULHOLLAND DR. (2001)

2009-10-21T23:14:00.003-04:00

David Lynch's visceral, modern, flipped on it's head re-working of Sunset Blvd.

ANYTHING ELSE (2003)

2009-10-19T22:05:00.005-04:00

Quoting Freud, check: forcing a role for yourself into your own movie, check: sexy but infantile female lead, check: mentioning Dofsteyefsky, check: insisting that all the actors mimic you, check: telling lame old jokes and only using pop culture references from pre-1960, check and double check: another boring, cookie cutter, late career Woody Allen movie is cranked out!

HIGH PLAINS DRIFTER (1973)

2009-10-16T22:25:00.002-04:00

You make a deal with the devil, and mother f'in Clint Eastwood comes to collect!

PULP FICTION (1994)

2009-10-15T23:04:00.003-04:00

The perfect movie in every aspect.

TRAINSPOTTING (1996)

2009-10-15T22:45:00.000-04:00

Great movie, even better soundtrack.

BABY MAMA (2008)

2009-10-15T22:32:00.002-04:00

Tina Fey plays a baby crazy, food obsessed, succesful career woman- wow, she has great range as an actress.

BOWFINGER (1999)

2009-10-14T20:37:00.001-04:00

Steve Martin's funny little hate letter to Scientology and Anne Heche.

MONSTER (2003)

2009-10-14T10:03:00.003-04:00

I don't care how ugly-ified they are in this movie, Charlize Theron making out with Christina Ricci is hot!

THE HUDSUCKER PROXY (1994)

2009-10-12T15:46:00.007-04:00

One of the most underrated comedies of all time- an absolute hidden jewel.

RIVER'S EDGE (1986)

2009-10-12T13:05:00.002-04:00

Young Crispin Glover, Keanu Reeves actually good, creepiest Dennis Hopper, need I say more??

THE PINK PANTHER (2006)

2009-10-12T10:59:00.001-04:00

This remake is an hour and a half of single entendres.
-Anonymous

POINT BREAK (1991)

2009-10-11T09:41:00.001-04:00

Best bad movie of all time.

MAGNOLIA (1999)

2009-10-10T20:58:00.003-04:00

Brilliant ensemble cast.

BEERFEST (2006)

2009-10-10T16:49:00.002-04:00

Holy crap did I want a beer after this movie, and I don't even like beer!

THE KID STAYS IN THE PICTURE (2002)

2009-10-10T10:44:00.006-04:00

(In Robert Evans rapid fire, gravel voice) Was the movie biased, possibly, is Robert Evans insane, could be, was I highly entertained, you bet your sweet ass I was!

I LOVE YOU, MAN (2009)

2009-10-09T16:11:00.004-04:00

I hate you, Paul Rudd for making this piece of shit movie with no script that you knew people would go see just because of Role Models and The 40 Year Old Virgin.

MEMENTO (2000)

2009-10-09T16:09:00.001-04:00

.movie cool fucking Pretty

THIS IS SPINAL TAP (1984)

2009-10-09T15:57:00.002-04:00

This one truly does go to 11 on the hilarious scale.

BURDEN OF DREAMS (1982)

2009-10-09T14:06:00.006-04:00

This documentary proves that Werner Herzog is the funniest, most maniacal, driven, brilliant, and entertaining director to listen to of all time!

12 MONKEYS (1995)

2009-10-09T11:03:00.001-04:00

I thought I was going crazy while I watched this movie, then I thought no, the rest of the world is crazy, only the crazies are sane, but it would take a crazy to realize this, but one thing's for sure, Terry Gilliam, he's crazy!

WHAT ABOUT BOB? (1991)

2009-10-02T10:24:00.001-04:00

There are two types of people in the world; those who love What About Bob?, and those who don't.

STUCK ON YOU (2003)

2009-09-19T10:32:00.001-04:00

I have seen thousands of movies in theaters in my lifetime, and this is the only one I walked out on.

BOOMERANG (1992)

2009-09-19T10:30:00.002-04:00

"Boomewrong."
-The Onion AV club

CHAIRMAN OF THE BOARD (1998)

2009-09-19T10:28:00.002-04:00

"Chairman of the bored!"
-Norm MacDonald

THE VILLAGE (2004)

2009-09-17T16:09:00.001-04:00

Did you hear about the M. Night Shamlamayan martini? It's nothing with a twist.

THE BIG LEBOWSKI (1998)

2009-09-17T16:08:00.005-04:00

Simply...ah...you know...ah.....classic, man.

NORTHFORK (2003)

2009-09-17T16:06:00.001-04:00

Mildly amusing, overly pretentious, thoroughly confusing.

AMERICAN WEDDING (2003)

2009-09-17T16:05:00.001-04:00

They fuck a wedding cake instead of a pie in this one.

SEABISCUIT (2003)

2009-09-17T16:04:00.001-04:00

A winner by four lengths.

LEAGUE OF EXTRORDINARY GENTLEMEN (2003)

2009-09-17T16:03:00.001-04:00

Extrordinary mess of a movie.

CAPTURING THE FREIDMANS (2003)

2009-09-17T16:02:00.001-04:00

The feel good movie of the year (you feel good you're not the Freidmans)!

CHARLIE'S ANGELS 2 (2003)

2009-09-17T16:00:00.001-04:00

I had a free ticket and went to this movie only for the air conditioning, and I still almost walked out.

THE ITALIAN JOB (2003)

2009-09-17T15:59:00.000-04:00

If you like mini-coopers (a lot) you'll love this movie.

GHOST DOG: THE WAY OF THE SAMURAI (2000)

2009-09-17T15:57:00.001-04:00

Fucking awesome, period

PUNCH DRUNK LOVE (2002)

2009-09-17T15:56:00.001-04:00

I had a really bad hangover after suffering through this movie.

MINORITY REPORT (2002)

2009-09-17T15:55:00.001-04:00

My only regret is that I have but two thumbs to give this movie down.

THE HEIST (2001)

2009-09-17T15:54:00.001-04:00

The only thing that got stolen was my $8.50!

APOCALYPSE NOW REDUX (2001)

2009-09-17T15:53:00.000-04:00

Why would you call something that is longer and more boring "redux"?

PLANET OF THE APES (2001)

2009-09-17T15:52:00.000-04:00

Why??!?!!???

UNBREAKABLE (2000)

2009-09-17T15:51:00.002-04:00

Unbearable.

ALMOST FAMOUS (2000)

2009-09-17T15:50:00.001-04:00

Almost good.

ME MYSELF AND IRENE (2000)

2009-09-17T15:48:00.002-04:00

Me, the door to the theater, and I leaving.

BOILER ROOM (2000)

2009-09-17T15:44:00.002-04:00

Vin Diesel is the acting standout in this movie- nuff said?