STUCK ON YOU (2003)

I have seen thousands of movies in theaters in my lifetime, and this is the only one I walked out on.

BOOMERANG (1992)

"Boomewrong."
-The Onion AV club

CHAIRMAN OF THE BOARD (1998)

"Chairman of the bored!"
-Norm MacDonald

THE VILLAGE (2004)

Did you hear about the M. Night Shamlamayan martini? It's nothing with a twist.

THE BIG LEBOWSKI (1998)

Simply...ah...you know...ah.....classic, man.

NORTHFORK (2003)

Mildly amusing, overly pretentious, thoroughly confusing.

AMERICAN WEDDING (2003)

They fuck a wedding cake instead of a pie in this one.

SEABISCUIT (2003)

A winner by four lengths.

LEAGUE OF EXTRORDINARY GENTLEMEN (2003)

Extrordinary mess of a movie.

CAPTURING THE FREIDMANS (2003)

The feel good movie of the year (you feel good you're not the Freidmans)!

CHARLIE'S ANGELS 2 (2003)

I had a free ticket and went to this movie only for the air conditioning, and I still almost walked out.

THE ITALIAN JOB (2003)

If you like mini-coopers (a lot) you'll love this movie.

GHOST DOG: THE WAY OF THE SAMURAI (2000)

Fucking awesome, period

PUNCH DRUNK LOVE (2002)

I had a really bad hangover after suffering through this movie.

MINORITY REPORT (2002)

My only regret is that I have but two thumbs to give this movie down.

THE HEIST (2001)

The only thing that got stolen was my $8.50!

APOCALYPSE NOW REDUX (2001)

Why would you call something that is longer and more boring "redux"?

PLANET OF THE APES (2001)

Why??!?!!???

UNBREAKABLE (2000)

Unbearable.

ALMOST FAMOUS (2000)

Almost good.

ME MYSELF AND IRENE (2000)

Me, the door to the theater, and I leaving.

BOILER ROOM (2000)

Vin Diesel is the acting standout in this movie- nuff said?